Fictional thread. Reddit-shaped for recreational purposes.

r/AskReddit

You get isekai’d into a JRPG, but your class is based on your actual day job. What does your skill tree look like?

u/throwaway_crystal_87 · 42.8k points · 9 hours ago

You wake up in a field outside a suspiciously beautiful walled city. There are two moons. Slimes are real. Everyone has belts for some reason.

A blue box appears:

CLASS ASSIGNMENT COMPLETE
Your combat class has been generated from your current profession.

No choosing Warrior because you go to the gym. No saying Black Mage because you know Python. The system has HR records.

What class did you get, and what are your abilities?

EDIT: Apparently half of Reddit works in IT and the other half can kill me in ways I don’t understand.

EDIT 2: To the medical people: please stop inventing status effects.

u/null_pointer_exe · 31.4k points · 8 hours ago

Software engineer.

My class is Legacy Systems Arcanist.

I cannot cast any spell created after the fall of the Old Empire because the documentation is incomplete and the original wizard left the kingdom twelve years ago.

Abilities:

Works On My Machine — become immune to one environmental hazard. Everyone else still takes damage.
Hotfix — restore 40% HP immediately. At the beginning of the next turn, roll a d20. On 1–15, something unrelated catches fire.
Technical Debt — borrow 100 mana from your future self. Future self hates you.
Ancient Stack Overflow Answer — summon the ghost of a stranger named Dave who solved this exact problem in 2009. Dave refuses to elaborate.
Rubber Duck — explain the boss mechanic out loud until you realize what you have been doing wrong.

Ultimate: Rewrite From Scratch.

It has never successfully completed casting.

u/bitwise_bard · 12.1k points · 7 hours ago

Rewrite From Scratch has a 14-month cast time and gets interrupted when the king asks for one tiny feature.

u/null_pointer_exe · 8.9k points · 7 hours ago

The tiny feature requires horses to support IPv6.

u/actually_a_db_admin · 7.6k points · 6 hours ago

You joke, but my ultimate is DROP KINGDOM and this is why we have permissions.

u/crossmatch_required · 27.9k points · 8 hours ago

Medical laboratory scientist, blood bank.

I don’t do damage.

I stand in the back wearing a white coat and quietly determine whether the paladin dies in twenty minutes.

Class: Hemomancer of Compatibility.

Type & Screen — reveals the hidden blood sigil of one ally.

Antibody Panel — the enemy presents twelve nearly identical runes. I stare at them for an uncomfortable amount of time and then say, “Okay, I think I know what this is.”

Emergency Release — instantly produces two units of uncrossmatched healing potion. The party leader must sign a form acknowledging that this was their idea.

Massive Transfusion Protocol — the room fills with coolers. Everyone starts running.

Passive ability: No, You Cannot Put That Back in the Refrigerator.

My natural enemy is a nurse calling to ask if the blood is ready while I am actively holding the blood.

u/ICU_RN_Actual · 19.2k points · 7 hours ago

In my defense, the patient is trying extremely hard to die.

u/crossmatch_required · 15.8k points · 7 hours ago

Understood. The antibody has still not agreed to become less weird.

u/path_resident · 4.2k points · 6 hours ago

Your hidden final boss is “patient transfused at an outside hospital, records unavailable.”

u/crossmatch_required · 9.7k points · 6 hours ago

Reported for hate speech.

u/scope_creep_69 · 24.6k points · 7 hours ago

Project manager.

Class: Chronomancer.

I cannot change time.

I can, however, create a spreadsheet proving that time was supposed to behave differently.

Skills:

Calendar Invite — pulls up to 14 combatants into a pocket dimension for 30 minutes. Nobody knows why they are there.

Action Item — marks a target. The mark passes to a different party member every turn.

Parking Lot — removes one unresolved issue from combat. It returns during the epilogue.

Per My Last Sending Stone — deals increased psychic damage each time it is used in the same encounter.

Critical Path — highlights the one goblin whose death is somehow blocking the entire kingdom.

My ultimate is Can We Get This Done By Friday?

Nobody has figured out what it does, but every engineer in a 50-meter radius takes 12 stress damage.

u/null_pointer_exe · 13.3k points · 7 hours ago

Found my raid boss.

u/underpaid_scrummaster · 6.4k points · 5 hours ago

I cast Standup.

Everyone loses ten minutes.

u/bookwyrm_actual · 21.8k points · 7 hours ago

Public librarian.

People expect a healer class.

Incorrect.

I am a Knowledge Tank.

I have spent fifteen years being approached by strangers who begin conversations with “I don’t remember the title, the cover might have been blue, and I read it sometime between 1987 and 2004.”

There is nothing in this fantasy world that can frighten me.

Reference Interview — ask the enemy increasingly specific questions until its true weakness is revealed.

Interlibrary Loan — summon one legendary weapon from a distant kingdom. It arrives in six to eight business days.

Quiet Please — silence all casters.

Summer Reading Program — summons forty-seven children. I do not control them.

We Have a Database For That — dispels one confidently wrong NPC rumor.

Passive: resistance to psychic damage from conspiracy theorists.

u/archivist_in_the_walls · 8.5k points · 6 hours ago

Archivist subclass gets Provenance, which lets us identify which cursed object caused the haunting but absolutely does not give us permission to destroy it.

u/bookwyrm_actual · 6.1k points · 6 hours ago

Correct. We preserve the cursed object in an acid-free box.

u/bean_counterspell · 19.7k points · 7 hours ago

Accountant.

Everybody laughs until the dragon gets audited.

Class: Forensic Goldmage

Reconcile — forces reality and the general ledger to agree. Reality usually loses.

Material Misstatement — enemy grows to twelve times its apparent size.

Depreciation — reduce a construct’s attack power every year for 27.5 years.

Accrual — take damage now for an expense that technically happens next turn.

Internal Controls — put two padlocks on the treasure chest and require two different rogues to open it.

Going Concern — ask whether the kingdom will still exist next year. King takes 80 psychic damage.

Ultimate: Year-End Close.

The sun stops moving for three weeks.

u/taxdad1978 · 5.9k points · 6 hours ago

Tax specialization has exactly one spell and its description is 4,800 pages long.

u/bean_counterspell · 4.1k points · 6 hours ago

Also it changes every expansion.

u/airhandler420 · 18.3k points · 6 hours ago

Commercial HVAC tech.

You people can have your swords.

The Demon King’s castle has a 900-ton chilled-water system and whoever designed it put the isolation valve behind a wall.

I own this dungeon now.

Class: Climate Mechanist

Superheat/Subcool — diagnose invisible suffering by touching two copper lines and squinting.
Recover Refrigerant — capture elemental spirit in a gray cylinder.
Jump Contactor — bypass one safety feature. Gain +40 movement speed and the attention of OSHA.
Filter Change — removes Poison, Blind, Pollen and whatever the necromancer has been cooking in return air.
It’s The Capacitor — 65% chance of being right, which is frankly enough.

Boss mechanic: the king says “It was working yesterday.”

u/sparky_union · 9.8k points · 6 hours ago

Electrician here. We form a two-person party and spend four hours blaming each other’s systems.

u/airhandler420 · 7.7k points · 5 hours ago

As the ancients intended.

u/overnight_rx · 17.5k points · 6 hours ago

Night-shift hospital pharmacist.

I already work in a windowless room surrounded by potions while people send me cryptic requests at 3 a.m.

I don’t think I get isekai’d. I think the graphics improve.

u/throwaway_crystal_87 · 11.2k points · 6 hours ago

okay this one wins

u/overnight_rx · 13.8k points · 6 hours ago

Also every fantasy potion is apparently unlabeled and nobody knows the patient’s renal function.

I would like to go home.

u/packet_witch · 16.9k points · 6 hours ago

Network engineer.

Class: Layer 3 Summoner.

My entire skill tree is proving that the problem is somewhere else.

Ping — throws a tiny glowing orb at a target and waits.

Traceroute — reveals twelve gates between you and the boss. Gate 7 belongs to a company nobody has heard of.

Firewall Rule — prevent all attacks, including friendly healing, because someone wrote /16 instead of /24.

DNS — 50% chance to solve the encounter instantly, 50% chance for the entire party to argue for three hours before discovering it was DNS.

Passive ability: whenever someone says “the network is slow,” my eye twitches.

u/packet_witch · 8.4k points · 5 hours ago · edited

Edit: Yes, I know DNS isn’t literally half of all outages. Please stop sending me RFCs. This is a joke about wizards.

u/rfc1149_compliant · 6.8k points · 5 hours ago

Too late.

u/tinyhuman_manager · 15.7k points · 6 hours ago

Stay-at-home parent of a toddler.

Class: Exhausted Beastmaster.

I have one summon.

It is level 3.

It has no fear mechanic.

u/dadmode_active · 10.1k points · 5 hours ago

Passive: What’s In Your Mouth? Automatically detects cursed objects within chewing distance.

u/tinyhuman_manager · 11.4k points · 5 hours ago

Doesn’t remove them. Just detects them.

u/raidmom84 · 7.2k points · 5 hours ago

Car Seat Installation gives +30 armor but requires a 40-minute channel and one blood sacrifice from your knuckles.

u/cell_block_counselor · 14.6k points · 5 hours ago

High school teacher.

Bard, obviously, except none of my songs work unless thirty people stop talking at the same time.

Wait Time — stand silently until the goblins become uncomfortable enough to answer their own question.

Assigned Seats — rearrange enemy formation.

Pop Quiz — critical hit against anyone who said “I wasn’t here yesterday.”

Email Home — summon a larger, angrier creature.

Group Project — four party members receive one shared objective. One does 90% of the work, two disappear, and one asks what we’re doing while the boss is dying.

My ultimate is I Can Wait.

I can.

I absolutely can.

u/formerly_gifted · 9.3k points · 5 hours ago

This comment made my fight-or-flight response activate.

u/actually_legal_advice · 13.9k points · 5 hours ago

Attorney.

I get Rules Lawyer.

No spells, no weapons. I read the boss tooltip closely and ruin the encounter for the dungeon master.

u/actually_legal_advice · 12.7k points · 5 hours ago · edited

This is not legal advice.

u/clericofcompliance · 5.6k points · 4 hours ago

Compliance officer here. I am your dark reflection.

u/actually_legal_advice · 4.8k points · 4 hours ago

We meet in chapter 11 and the cutscene is 93 minutes long.

u/micropipette_hero · 13.1k points · 5 hours ago

Molecular biologist.

My class description says Gene Mage, which sounds incredible until you realize all my spells take three days and the first two attempts fail because the cells “look weird today.”

Ultimate attack: PCR.

Copies one enemy until there are 1,073,741,824 of them.

I may have misunderstood the assignment.

u/gel_bandit · 6.2k points · 4 hours ago

You forgot Western Blot, where you fight the same boss for six years and nobody agrees what its health bar means.

u/diesel_and_regret · 12.8k points · 5 hours ago

Heavy equipment mechanic.

Class: Siege Cleric.

The barbarian thinks he is strong because he can lift a boulder.

The excavator can lift the barbarian, the boulder, his horse, and the tavern he slept in.

My healing spell is called Percussive Maintenance and uses a 4 lb hammer.

If that doesn’t work I cast Bigger Hammer.

There are two more spells after that but they require a torch and management approval.

u/unix_beard_no_beard · 12.3k points · 5 hours ago

Linux sysadmin.

I live alone in a mountain shrine and haven’t spoken to the main party since the prologue.

At hour 63 they discover the entire world has remained online because of a shell script I wrote in 2014.

Nobody understands it, including me.

If I die, the moon falls.

u/cloud_native_bro · 7.0k points · 4 hours ago

We can containerize the moon.

u/unix_beard_no_beard · 10.6k points · 4 hours ago

Leave.

u/cut_here_not_there · 11.9k points · 5 hours ago

Surgeon.

Everyone expects some elegant blade class.

Realistically my most powerful ability is Call Anesthesia.

u/gas_passr_md · 14.2k points · 4 hours ago

Finally, recognition.

u/cut_here_not_there · 7.2k points · 4 hours ago

I said call anesthesia, not compliment anesthesia.

u/gas_passr_md · 9.9k points · 4 hours ago

Recognition withdrawn.

u/please_hold_music · 11.4k points · 4 hours ago

Customer support.

I have maxed De-escalation.

The Demon King screams that he has been a loyal customer for twelve years and demands to know why his enchanted sword no longer syncs with the app.

I say, “I understand how frustrating that must be.”

His second phase ends immediately because nobody has ever said that to him before.

Then I discover I am not authorized to issue the refund.

u/the_database_is_people · 10.8k points · 4 hours ago

Historian.

No combat stats whatsoever.

But every time the party enters some ruined temple and the rogue goes “wow, ancient people were so mysterious,” I get a dialogue option that says:

They wrote down what this building was for. We have the tax records.

My role is to ruin lore videos.

u/bronze_age_fan · 6.9k points · 4 hours ago

Archaeologist subclass gets +20 rage whenever someone says “ritual object.”

u/the_database_is_people · 5.4k points · 4 hours ago

“We don’t know what it was for” is not the same sentence as “the moon priest used this to commune with Eternity.”

u/crystal_truth88 · -212 points · 3 hours ago

That’s just what Big Archaeology wants you to think.

u/slide_deck_necromancer · 10.5k points · 4 hours ago

Management consultant.

Class: PowerPoint Illusionist.

I enter a village suffering from famine, dragon attacks and plague.

Three weeks later I reveal a 96-slide deck explaining that the village’s problem is insufficient strategic alignment across the grain-to-dragon value chain.

The mayor pays me 80,000 gil.

I leave before implementation.

u/bean_counterspell · 8.1k points · 3 hours ago

I am coming for you.

u/red_team_enjoyer · 10.1k points · 4 hours ago

Cybersecurity.

Rogue class, except I spend the entire dungeon telling the king that the castle door should not accept the password dragon123.

He nods thoughtfully.

Next week it is dragon123!.

u/blue_team_burnout · 7.3k points · 3 hours ago

My class is also Rogue, but I stand behind you writing a ticket about it.

u/grc_oracle · 4.4k points · 3 hours ago

I don’t stop the dragon. I produce evidence that the dragon risk was accepted by an appropriately authorized stakeholder.

u/notthatkindofengineer · 9.7k points · 4 hours ago

Civil engineer.

The quest giver says we need to defeat the dragon.

I ask whether anyone has considered a culvert.

Six hours later the entire party is furious with me, but I have reduced annual dragon-related bridge closures by 83% without entering combat.

This is the closest thing in the thread to a good ending.

u/chemist_neutral · 9.1k points · 4 hours ago

Analytical chemist.

Potion seller hands me a glowing blue liquid labeled ELIXIR OF ETERNAL VIGOR.

I ask what’s in it.

He says “proprietary blend.”

The next 70 hours of the game become very unpleasant for him.

u/supplement_paladin · 2.1k points · 3 hours ago

bro it’s natural

u/chemist_neutral · 8.8k points · 3 hours ago

So is arsenic.

u/forklift_certified_king · 8.8k points · 4 hours ago

Warehouse worker.

Everybody else is doing magic.

I am forklift certified.

The final dungeon has pallets.

I need no further lore.

u/diesel_and_regret · 6.6k points · 3 hours ago

Endgame class.

u/ux_is_not_ui · 8.5k points · 4 hours ago

UX researcher.

The king says peasants love the new public teleportation crystal.

I talk to five peasants.

Four of them think it is a shrine and the fifth has been feeding it bread.

My class exists to make developers sad with evidence.

u/frontend_familiar · 5.1k points · 3 hours ago

We put a tooltip on it.

u/ux_is_not_ui · 7.2k points · 3 hours ago

They cannot read.

u/frontend_familiar · 6.4k points · 3 hours ago

Bigger tooltip.

u/field_service_wizard · 7.9k points · 3 hours ago

Field service technician.

My passive skill is Customer Description.

NPC: “The machine is making a weird noise.”

Me: “What kind of weird noise?”

NPC: “A noise it didn’t make before.”

I gain 2 experience and lose 7 years of life.

u/sleep_deprived_resident · 7.6k points · 3 hours ago

Resident physician.

The class screen just says Lv. 4 Doctor but all of my stats are debuffed by Sleep Deprivation III.

I have 19 quests open.

Twelve are marked urgent.

Three quest-givers are paging me simultaneously.

There is a senior wizard somewhere in the tower who could solve all of them instantly, but the educational value would be reduced.

u/attending_final_form · 6.0k points · 3 hours ago

What do you think is causing the goblin’s abdominal pain?

u/sleep_deprived_resident · 7.8k points · 3 hours ago

I take 40 necrotic damage.

u/old_man_excel · 7.2k points · 3 hours ago

I have worked in corporate finance for 34 years.

You all have skill trees?

I have Excel.

u/bean_counterspell · 5.5k points · 3 hours ago

Found the secret superboss.

u/dog_groomer_gale · 6.8k points · 3 hours ago

Dog groomer.

Beastmaster, but the beasts are not impressed by the title.

Nail Trim is a quick-time event with no visible button prompts.

Bath applies Wet to the target and Wet to me and Wet to the ceiling somehow.

High Velocity Dryer turns one corgi into a tumbleweed.

Who’s A Good Boy fully heals target, including targets who bit me ten minutes ago.

I would actually play this game.

u/linguist_irl · 6.4k points · 3 hours ago

Linguist.

My ability is that when an ancient demon speaks a language nobody has heard for 4,000 years, I do not immediately translate it fluently.

Instead I say, “Interesting. We have one inscription and no bilingual text. Give me a decade.”

The protagonist kills me in the next cutscene because the plot cannot survive this level of methodological caution.

u/the_database_is_people · 4.9k points · 2 hours ago

Historians welcome you to the support group.

u/airport_ops_guy · 5.9k points · 2 hours ago

Airport operations.

Dragon lands on runway 12.

I do not fight it.

I close runway 12, issue a NOTAM, call wildlife management despite knowing exactly how that conversation is going to go, reroute arrivals to runway 30, and spend the next four hours explaining to passengers that “dragon activity” is not something the airline controls.

The dragon leaves because it can’t handle the paperwork.

u/english_major_finally · 5.6k points · 2 hours ago

English professor.

At last.

Twenty years of people asking “what are you going to do with that degree?” and now the fate of the world depends on whether the prophecy uses “shall” descriptively or imperatively.

I have waited my entire life for this boss fight.

u/actually_legal_advice · 4.7k points · 2 hours ago

Move over.

u/english_major_finally · 5.2k points · 2 hours ago

Absolutely not.

u/nightshiftjanitor · 5.2k points · 2 hours ago

Janitor.

I enter the ancient temple after you people have finished “saving the world.”

There is slime on every surface. Somebody shattered 46 clay pots. The black mage left scorch marks on a load-bearing column. The hero apparently ate an entire roast chicken and threw the plate on the floor.

My skill is Consequences.

u/[deleted] · [deleted] · 2 hours ago

[deleted]

u/ominous_moogle · 4.8k points · 2 hours ago

This was the Chosen One. The prophecy has failed.

u/QA_goblin · 4.9k points · 2 hours ago

Software QA.

While everyone else is trying to defeat the Demon King, I walk repeatedly into the same corner of his throne room while jumping and opening the inventory.

Eventually I fall through the world.

The Demon King files the bug as low priority because “players aren’t expected to do that.”

I attach a video.

He changes it to “Cannot Reproduce.”

This is my villain origin story.

u/null_pointer_exe · 4.3k points · 2 hours ago

Works on my machine.

u/QA_goblin · 6.7k points · 2 hours ago

I know where you live.

u/retired_nobody · 4.6k points · 2 hours ago

Retired.

Class screen says Old Man Near Starting Village.

Apparently I know the true history of the crystals, the location of the sealed god, why the moon is bleeding and the protagonist’s real surname.

I will disclose one sentence of this information after each major dungeon for no defensible reason.

I am also invincible until chapter 9.

After that I should probably avoid cutscenes.

u/throwaway_crystal_87 · 3.9k points · 1 hour ago · OP

After reading all of this I have concluded that the ideal party is:

one blood banker
one HVAC tech
one librarian
one forklift-certified warehouse worker
one exhausted parent
and the Linux sysadmin whose death causes the moon to fall

I don’t know who does damage.

I no longer think damage is the main problem.

u/forklift_certified_king · 5.7k points · 1 hour ago

Pallets.